We're Having Big Fun

Yesterday was the LONGEST day I’ve had so far this year.

We started off with going public about this blog. It just feels like it’s time. At this point, all of social media is so commercialized, it doesn’t feel personal anymore. It’s like everyone has forgotten, including the services themselves, that they started as self-described “micro-blogging” platforms to connect people. Once upon a time, I had zero social skills. I was bullied in school for most of my life, and I was raised by people who hated people, so having social media in my early 20s allowed me to connect with people in a way I simply couldn't do in person. It took a really long time and a lot of hard work, but I’m now at ease in almost any social situation. I can talk to almost anyone, under almost any circumstances and not only be comfortable myself, but make them feel more comfortable, and it is a skill I’m very proud of. It all started online, though. There are many connections I would never have had if I hadn’t had the buffer of the internet between me and the people I was interacting with. I’m pretty sure if my 20yo self was trying to forge those same connections on today’s social media, I wouldn’t be nearly as successful-in fact, it might have broken me further.

I don’t feel safe or comfortable or right using these services to connect with real people about real things anymore. BUT I have a domain that I pay for every year basically just to post my upcoming shows- so now I’m here getting full use of that. No more trying to fit novels into my Instagram story, this feels RIGHT. I can post pics or videos or whatever else I want and nobody can report me, I’m not at the mercy of some algorithm, I’m not helping some corrupt tech company make money off of content I made for their platform for free.

Enough about that, though, back to yesterday

I had my first aquatic cycling class at Harrison Park yesterday. Usually Friday mornings I go to Eckhart park and I take the cardio aquartics class there. I’ve done this class at different parks all over and this one is my favorite by far, the instructor has the same name as me which is cute and she is just really dang good at what she does. She’s fun and motivational, knowledgeable, and her playlist is poppin. BUT I had had the cycling class on my radar for a while, I was really curious about it and wanted to try but it was always full, so when I finally was able to snag a spot, I reluctantly gave up my spot in Ashley’s class, as sadly, the class times conflicted with one another. The activity itself was cool. I really enjoyed the bike work. It’s both easier and more difficult than riding a stationary bike on land. My legs are a little sore, which means I did some work and that’s nice, but my butt is VERY sore from that unforgiving metal seat and that is much less nice. I did not enjoy the fact that we only spend half the class on the bikes because they don’t have enough for everyone, so the class has to be split into two groups. One group does bike work while the other does a sub-par version of the class I had to drop and then we switch. That’s not what I signed up for. I signed up for cycling to CYCLE. Most disappointingly, the playlist was ass. omg, it was so terrible. There were legit slow ass love songs on it, interspersed with shit like YMCA by the Village People. I can’t get jiggy with this shit. My body wanted to catch a beat so bad and there were naught to be caught. I did make two friends though and the other sister in the class and I have conspired to bully the instructor into better music selections over the course of the session, so there’s that.

Berneal (12) also had his first wrestling class yesterday at Columbus Park, and while he wasn’t thrilled about it at first, he had a decent enough time that he’s agreed to go again. I told my children I’m never going to force them to do an something that they hate, but I want them to always be willing to try new things, and never just quit because something is uncomfortable for them or not the best time of their lives. While he was in class, Belle and I did some UberEats deliveries. It’s so hard to take care of these kids week in and week out BY MYSELF and also find time to make money. I fear if I got a “real job” I would never see them, and then who would they have? Two absentee parents that spend all their time working, while they basically have to raise themselves. There’d be no activities. Ugh. We’re broke and I hustle hard every month to make sure all the bills get paid, but I feel better about being broke and PRESENT than comfortable and absent. So I do jobs whenever I can fit them in and if I have an hour to kill while I wait for him to get out of class, I need to make it count.

I finshed my day off with my first CSz show of 2023. I had taken a hiatus at the end of last year because the saddness of the holidays was just bogging me down and I was too overwhelmed to try and do shows that take so much prep and thought and time without any compensation, so I was rusty and nervous about coming back to ref, and it was a little bumpy, but I got through it. The audience had a great time, they got the show they paid for, so I did my job and that’s all that matters to me. My Belle (10) came with me and I love looking out into the audience and seeing the pride in her eyes as she watches me do my thing. By the time we started our long walk back to the car at around 10pm, she and I were both too exhausted to really do anything but yawn at each other.

When we finally made it home, I collapsedin my bed, tired but satisfied, and I barely had time to dwell on the fact that Trin (18) hasn’t been home in a week at this point - and I won’t dwell on it here and now either.