How It's Going

“Ashley Victoria Thu, Jan 19, 2023 at 5:57 PM

To: Trinity Nerea Thompkins

Trin, First of all, I love you and miss you very much. You know I'd do anything for you, because I have always done everything in my power to get you whatever you want. Using my card without permission and essentially stealing from me is incredibly hurtful. I have sent you money for lunch just because you didn't like any of the options - I still am in disbelief that you would just take from me like that because you were upset. I have always had your back and protected you and encouraged you to stand up for yourself - for you to lie and say you felt unsafe in my home, just because you didn't want to be there, is also terribly hurtful. There is no safer place in the world for you than here. In spite of the ways you have hurt me - I still want you to come home. I want to know you're safe. I want to help you and support you while you finish this final year of highschool. I want to hug you every day I can. You're making insanely frustrating choices right now, but you're still my Trin. I still love you so much, lads. If you come home by Monday, Jan. 23 - we don't have to talk about it. I will accept your return as my apology and we can move on. You'll be given your phone for use whenever you leave the house and you'll have the opportunity to earn your laptop back. If you decide not to return or initiate any kind of contact by then, a much larger conversation will need to be had before we can reconcile and I will begin packing up your things and putting them in storage. These are the expectations I have of you while you are living here; Go to school every day. Be on time for all of your classes. Take care of your health. Clean up after yourself. You are free to buy your own food, you don't have to, but you may NOT keep food in your room or bed or eat it in your room or bed. If it's not your food and it's food that I've bought for the household to share, you must be considerate of the other people living here and not take more than your fair share. Do not be rude or disrespectful to me, or anyone living here. These are not unreasonable expectations and they are not negotiable. You are not the first nor the last 18-year-old to feel the way you do. Things will get better, but this is not the way. Please come home. Always, Mummay”

“Trinity Thompkins Sat, Jan 21, 2023 at 7:31 PM

To: Ashley Victoria

Hello. In the order in which you have addressed events, I will start off with your card. Once again you have assumed I have ill intentions. I forgot I even had your card. And this happened before I even left. I wasn't trying to take from you just because I was upset.I genuinely thought it was my card, not paying attention to the name. It was a genuine accident. I wasn't trying to steal or get back at you. I will pay you back .- Now my unsafe comment. No I did not lie. I feel unsafe. You are detrimental to my mental health. Not only that but your response to that was” I should’ve beat your @** when you yelled at me”. You are always touching me in some place you know I am not comfortable with . Just like you have your boundaries I have mine. In spite of the ways you hurt me- I don’t want to come home. Even after the arguments and me leaving you still refuse to acknowledge what I have been trying to communicate with you. This isn’t about what food is at the house, or the things you have bought me, or things you continue to do for me. I have always been grateful for everything, nothing less. My point in that you make me feel like crap. I continue to do my best for you, and it is not enough for you. Regardless of what you choose to see, I am working my butt off. You make it seem like I am constantly invalid for the way I feel, and that I can not be depressed. This is the way I have felt for years.Now you have had your moments, but it doesn’t make up for the constant times I have come to you, and I have been told that I can’t feel like that, or I am acting out. The fact that I am the only one in the wrong, is confusing to me. And because of that I will not be returning. I can pick up my things if you would like. It's taking me some time to adjust. But I will be going to school. I will be on time. I will be going to work. I will be taking care of myself and my health. And if this is all you have to say, then yes it will take a minute for us to do so.”

“Ashley Victoria Sun, Jan 22, 2023 at 10:39 AM

To: Trinity Thompkins

Trin, Please don't say stuff like "you are always touching me in some place you know I am not comfortable with" - that makes me sound like some kind of pedo pervert. I touch your foot, with one finger, once or twice a week - if that. Sensory issues can absolutely get better with repeated exposure-that's how I overcame mine. Saying "I should've beat your ass when you yelled at me" should not feel like a threat unless you're planning on yelling at me again and since that's a genuine fear to the point that you "feel unsafe" I can only assume that you indeed were planning on it and if that is the case, it is definitely better that you are not here because I absolutely will not tolerate it. You're not working your butt off. You spent the entire weekend before the first day of school in bed, crying and you've really never gotten out of that mode. It may feel like you're working really hard, but from the outside looking in you're doing less than you ever have. You lay in the bed for hours staring at two or more screens. You cried when you had to get out of bed and spend time with your family decorating for Kwanzaa. You had a complete meltdown and then you went to your father's and took a bunch of weird selfies like you didn't have a care in the world. You're absolutely allowed to be depressed. I have extensive experience with depression, as you know, and I am truly sorry you had to lose the genetic lottery and inherit it from me. What you're not allowed to do is make everyone around you accommodate your depression. I know depression is a liar and it can distort reality - that distortion can cause us to make shitty decisions and mess up in ways that we ultimately regret and turns into more fuel for our depression. You're not allowed to let your depression win and ruin your life. That's why I wanted to get you in therapy, yet you insist you don't need it. What are you doing about your depression then? You're not doing therapy, you're not on medication, you don't work out, you don't eat right, you don't take vitamins. You're doing everything you can to make it worse for yourself and then you wonder why you feel bad? You have to do something - it doesn't just get better on its own I have to actively fight my depression every single day and I have been doing this since I was 16 when I was hospitalized and diagnosed. You say you are grateful but then you degrade me devoting my entire life, since I was your age, to making sure your life was a good one, devoting myself to making sure you had everything you could want or need, by saying I have "had my moments". If your goal was to hurt me with that, congratulations, you were very successful. I have never said you're not allowed to feel any way. I have never told you not to cry or to suck it up. I have never tried to control your feelings. I have asked you over and over and over what's wrong and it's always been "I don't know" or you complaining that people want you to do what you're supposed to, which yeah, really isn't super valid to me, but I never told you to 'shut up crying about the fact that your mom and dad and boyfriend all want you to take care of your diabetes so you don't go blind or lose a limb or die and you don't want to hear it'. You have never brought up that "I make you feel like crap". I have always encouraged you to talk to me about anything and you never said this to me. I celebrate your wins and I hold you accountable when you are off track, it's as simple as that. I do not make it a point to bash you and I definitely don't minimize your success, ever. I tell you how great you are all time. I think you have a problem with the truth. I am honest with you. I tell you honestly when and where you are messing up and while that may feel "detrimental to your mental health" - it's the reality check a mentally ill teenager needs to keep them grounded and in touch with the real world. I've been here a long time. I've been through alot of things. I try to give you the benefit of the knowledge of those things so you don't actually have to go through them. This may come as a shock but parenting is actually not fun. I would love to just not care and not do anything and not say anything. That would be easy. That's not right though. I have to do and say the hard things because they are right and I am committed to doing right by my children. I do not believe you about my card. I know you lie without hesitation when it's more convenient for you than the truth and I think it bothers you that I know that about you and don't just blindly think you are a perfect angel. You want me to think you're perfect and only praise you and never criticize you and that's not possible. Nobody's perfect and we as human beings cannot grow without criticism. You will never get that from me and if that means to you I am a "bad mother: then so be it. I don't believe you about school. You haven't gone to a full week of school since you left here, and I think that's the biggest reason you left is so you can just pick and choose when you go. It's really interesting that we both feel like we have been trying so hard for one another and both of our lives are easier without the other. I feel like I've done enough. I didn't kick you out. I didn't give up on you. I picked you up every time you fell. I propped you up when I had to. I gave you every opportunity to come home. I am completely confident that I gave you the best that I could give, every day of your entire life. It's not enough for you, unfortunately, and I am willing to accept that. I am willing to stop trying because I know I did my best and tried my hardest. I don't have anything left to give you. You're walking away and now so am I. I've been through enough and I'm tired of being hurt by people I love. Hopefully, this is better for both of us and we will both be happier now. I will always wish you the best. I hope you succeed in everything you do. I hope you thrive. I hope you win. Your stuff is under the house. When you come to get it make sure you bring your own containers or boxes because I am keeping mine. Please send me the passwords to the computer and laptop as soon as possible so I can wipe them and put them to use. Safe travels, mom”