I Am A Loser

I am a loser.

I sincerely mean that in the most literal way possible. I lose things, effortlessly and persistently. Despite my best efforts, cards, keys, shoes, that thing that was just in my hand, anything and everything - if I can have it - I can lose it. It’s my super power.

My best friend and the father of my children is the opposite of me, he is THE FINDER. Whenever I lose something and I don’t have time to wait for it to find it’s way back to me I call on him and all of his powers to FIND THE THING!

He usually does. I’d rate his success at 98% or better. I am *OF COURSE* VERY HAPPY AND GRATEFUL I have someone who can readily undo the constant tragedy I inflict upon myself but…sometimes…idk…it almost feels like he’s too good at it. I find a teeny, tiny, itty-bitty part of myself wishing he would FAIL, DAMMIT. Which is dumb. It’s my thing - I want it back - it makes no sense to root against me getting my thing back. It’s not that I feel inadequate or chagrined that he can find my stuff but I can’t, it’s this egotistical impulse in me that wants to lose something better than he can find it! I want my loseyness to WIN the fight for once. It’s silly and I know it is, but I feel it. I guess, at the end of the day, Mister Glass was right.

”In a comic, you know how you can tell who the arch-villain's going to be? He's the exact opposite of the hero, and most time's they're friends, like you and me. “

-Elijah Prince “Unbreakable”

You’re only a hero till you live long enough to become a villain and I suppose I’ve been here a while so ya know what?

I’m not a loser.

I’m THE Loser.

And I’ve got a lot of losing left to do.